Tuesday, November 14, 2006

What's wrong with this picture

Posing is an artform. And people are divided into three types when it comes to posing. First there are those who can pose and those who can’t. And then there are people who can’t but who have talented people helping them to look cool anyway.

Glam Rock is all about posing, and nowadays a lot of northern kids wanna play in some sort of glam band. This is a problem when they can’t pose and don’t have the right people who could make them look cool still. Let’s take a a look at this pic above. And I must say I have nothing against this band (the name of the group shall remain unmentioned), it’s the record company who should have paid a bit more attention and a few more euros on the stylist/AD.

Let’s start from the left. This guy’s pretty ok, he’s got the ripped clothing, a Lolita-like chewing gum and all. And he’s a bit like Nikki Sixx. Or maybe Awa from Lordi. Or one of the younger sisters of Tik Tak. I guess all teen girls and sugar daddys wanna take him home and rub him the right way.

But the trouble begins with the singer (the upfront guy must be the singer,’cos he’s… well.. upfront, like singers usually like to be situated). His only desire is to be like Sid Vicious, but the innocence from his face just deletes all viciousness from 15 meters around him. And the body posture… That’s a classic “I farted/I have crapped my pants”-pose. And it seems that there is a pile of something beneath him already.

And my favourite couple are these ”playas” on the right. First of all the hat-guy propably goes running back to the university to study more mathematics once he sees this picture with him wearing make-up for the first and last time. And he should give that hat back to his professor on the way.

The guy on the right either has a wig or then all that hair has been photoshopped afterwards, I can’t tell. Quite confusing indeed. And the guy with the hat actually seems to be holding this guys' balls. What’s up with that? Can’t hold your own balls? All I have in this world is my balls and my buddy’s balls an my word???

A few more hours in front of the mirror, a few more evenings watching Hanoi Rocks videos and a professional stylist. That’s all it takes kids. Honestly.


Kriton Music said...

oh dear. EVERYTHING about this band and their picture is SO WRONG.

this whole nu-glam-panda-tampere-rock thing in finland was originally very much wrong in every way, but now its just getting outta hand. it seems tampere is spawning new baby-Negatives every fuckin' week. Hanoi Rocks (the classic lineup) needs to come and kick their 13-year-old asses. Even if Razzle iss six feet under. he would not tolerate this crap.

kids better first learn to pose and then form their transvestite looking bands!

interflug said...

this post is better than any media studies book written by any media studies guru.
kriton should have a paper magazine of their own.

Kriton Music said...

yes, i have to say that Hennessy takes the cake - again! blogger of the year; thank god for sick days away from the office!

Kriton Music said...

BTW i got that cd from that ugly-ass band in the mail today (a review copy - god knows i'm not gonna waste anyones time reviewing anything that sad).
it makes an ok coaster i guess. or maybe i just wouldnt wanna waste good spilt beer on it.